Midlife crisis before reaching mid life?

Is it possible to be plagued with more life and career anxiety after now being a few years in the workforce rather than at college graduation? There’s not a week that goes by where I don’t ask myself “Am I doing this right?” or say “I’d give anything for nap time to be instated.” At 26, it’s finally clicking with me that I am in fact, not invincible. I can not do it all.


My husband and I just recently purchased our first home and like any other dreaming American, we have many plans in hopes of making it our own. We’ve learned that planning is one thing, but actually muscling the elbow grease (or forking over the money) to put things into motion is another. In college we can study all night, go out with friends, and take exams at eight am without skipping a beat. Nowadays we’re lucky if we can make it to ten pm. My whole perspective on life and my capabilities is changing. Dare I say it, but were my parents right? You mean they do know what they are talking about? It’s hard work to balance a career, family, and social life. Throw bills and continuing education into the mix and you’ve got a pretty heavy load on your shoulders. I tip my hat to those who work full time and come home at the end of the day only to switch from Employee #87561 to Employee #Mom/Dad/Wife/Husband.


While it’s pretty depressing to think about wide eyed youthful days slipping away, it’s also pretty fulfilling to look back on where we’ve come from and where we’re going. To think about the sacrifices my family has made and the time my mentors have spent on me makes me really thankful. It’s also humbling to think of those who may not be equipped with the same blessings. It’s a long, hard road to adulthood and it’s an even longer and harder one to stay on track.

To my fellow “young professionals” who may feel like the waves are rockier than expected, all I can say is keep going. These ups, downs, and uncertainties is what life is made of. You will trip and fall. You will come to a fork in the road. Just keep going and surround yourself with people who will push you to continue and make you give one hundred and ten percent.


So here I am, Employee #7827364, reporting for duty. Mind passing the apsecreme?

You had 9 lives and 1 by 1 you chewed them up...

It's been one month today that my Dad passed away.  Tomorrow would have been his 50th birthday.  For most of my life, my Dad was a deadbeat who'd rather spend his money on drugs than child support.  From ages 13-25, we did not see each other.  From 15-25, we did not speak.  Last year, my Dad went into a coma and had heart surgery.  He had dialysis three days a week.  This year, he had heart surgery...again.  Heavy smoker.  Horrible eating habits.  Type 2 diabetes.  Noting to live for before it was too late.

In 2009, my Uncle convinced me to come down to Tampa to see my Dad, as he was in horrible shape and it was obvious that time was running out.  I had a lot of anger towards my Dad.  I planned to give him hell and show him how much better I was than him.  I sat outside as a bloated and already defeated figure made his way outside.  It was an uncomfortable and sad, yet calming moment.  All of the hate and anger I had carried with me was nowhere to be found.  There was no need for me to punish this man...he has done enough of it to himself.  We reconciled during that trip and one year later we said goodbye. 


That past few months of this year were met with surgeries and stays in assisted living facilities.  The man had yet again been given another chance to straighten himself up, but he refused to do any of his physical therapy.  We visited him in the beginning of September.  The first week of October he was gone.  The last thing he said to me was that he was sorry that he was always sick when I saw him.  I knew by his tone he meant not only during these past two years, but when I was younger and he was sick from drug addiction. 


I can't begin to describe how my heart aches at the thought that i will never see, speak to, or know this man anymore.  However, I'm sure this pales in comparison to the remorse and regret I would have bared if I had not reconciled with him.  What hurts even more is that I'm heading in the same direction as him and won't get off my ass to do anything about it.  I'm 26 years old.  I'm overweight.  I'm prediabetic.  I take pills for high blood pressure, insulin resistance, and depression.  I shake my head at my father's actions, yet I do some of the same things myself.  I am a hypocrite and it burdens my heart and mind on a daily basis.


Why am I telling you all of this?  Because maybe I can use it to get the hell off my ass for once.

Isn't It Pretty To Think So?

Have you ever reached the point in your life where you realize you’re not a kid anymore? And, upon thinking about said realization, you look back at the past few years and realize that life is being slowly drained from you? Or maybe you’ve just been going through the motions so well that you forgot to turn your head along the way to see what surrounds you. I’m at that moment, but I think I’ve caught it early enough to retrain my brain. It’s pretty depressing actually. 8 to 5 Mon- Fri job…weekends catching up on sleep…all evenings filled with lethargy stemmed from eating out too much. The checking account decreases while the waist lines increase. Surely this is not what life is meant to be at 26?

How the hell do people manage work, social life, family, chores, and hobbies without losing their mind or depending on caffeine pills? (Jessie Spano, anyone? I’m so excited….I’m so…so…scared!) There’s a quote from my favorite book that mentions life passing by and the response is that only bull fighters know how to live life. Why can’t I get off my ass to grab the bull by the horns for once?

Cohn: “I can’t stand it to think my life is going so fast and I’m not really living it."
Jake: “Nobody ever lives their life all the way up except bull-fighters.”
-The Sun Also Rises